I find that every time I consider sharing this site with others – and my story with it, I am overcome by almost paralyzing anxiety. My chest tightens and breaths come difficultly. I get hot or freezing cold, my hands shake. There is not much I can do but wait for it to pass.
The same questions roll through my mind: Am I really supposed to share all this stuff? and what if everyone that reads it thinks it is stupid or make mean comments?!
I wanted to share this with you because I know in my heart that my story should be written. I had an extremely difficult life and came out better than most who have had similar experiences. And yet, this doubt comes over me.
Part of the problem is I’m questioning if I will have a negative impact on those that read my story. Should I be posting happy shit instead?? And then I remember the reason I started this whole process: be real, let others be real. To have a safe place where we can spout out the hate…the pain…to others who have been there.
We have such overwhelming self-doubt at times and we need to straight up kick it’s ass! How many things have we not done because of self-doubt? Those things on our bucket list… what are we waiting for? (If it’s finances, I definitely get that…)
This is what I am going to do (you can decide how you are going to face this): I am going to write… every time I feel like something may be shared. I’m not going to make it private (if it’s not to damaging to my family’s reputation) and I’m going to have faith. Faith that what I wrote touched someone in a positive way. Faith that my pain helps another. (“…in all things God works for the good of those who love him…” Romans 8:28)
And I’m going to learn to shout it from the mountaintops – someday, soon… 🙂