Opiate Reduction day 1

I cancelled my pain clinic appointment.

Went to see my Internal Med guy yesterday for a follow up on the new Gabapentin therapy for “fibromyalgia”. My blood pressure was 142/100 up from last month of 140/90.

He’s concerned enough about the blood pressure to have me check it at home until I get normal readings 3 times this week – I’m supposed to call his nurse once that is achieved. (He’s covering his ass right now for not giving me blood pressure meds.) I still haven’t bought the blood pressure cuff, yet. Just walked away from the pharmacy yesterday – something I would like to always do.

I explained that this is what happens with my CFS – any exertion (walking down the hallway) sends my pulse to 96bpm, heart flipping in my chest and raises my blood pressure.

He agreed that the CFS was probably causing it and we both know that the reduction in Percocet is causing my body to flip out. We don’t discuss this fact, or that the Gabapentin is treating the withdrawal symptoms effectively – along with the nerve pain in my spine and ribs. I’m on the second month of Gabapentin treatment now.

We did raise the dose to (3) 300mg capsules a day with a discussion about how low of a dose I am actually on. I found a blog where a guy is taking 1200mg 3 times a day to kick his Percocet addiction and withdrawal. I’m sure he was taking more than (3) 5/325 Percocet a day though.

I cancelled my pain clinic appointment, paid my last invoice with them and let them know I was pursuing a different treatment plan with my IM doc.

How do I feel about that? Stressed. Scared. Empowered. Afraid. Indignant. Stubborn. Relieved.

I’m afraid of being in the kind of pain I have been in – the pain that is so real that I lay curled in a ball and crying in my bed. Or the pain that rips me through my ambien bliss of my most needed sleep to awake and throwing my knees from side to side just trying to make my back pop or align or something.

Last week I woke up on my hands and knees, crawling across the bed, crying. This is the pain that sends me crawling back to my beloved 1/2 pill of Percocet every 4 hours. Not 5, not the far out of reach 6 hours, but 4. Always 4 hours.

I have successfully gone between 10 and 12 hours between doses lately at night – so proud!! So the Gabapentin seems to be helping. 🙂

I have decided in about a week, that’s the amount of pills I have left, I will face the withdrawal with everything I have, with God and prayer, with detox tea and pot – and I pray I don’t make a fool of myself to my family, friends and doctors.
I made sure I don’t have appointments with Dr. Lawrence for at least 3 months… I hear it takes 6 months to get back to normal after the initial gut-wrenching, puking, shitting, screaming withdrawal from Oxycodone.

I wonder how I got here, and have half a mind to sue someone over it, but I own this. I wanted relief from the pain and didn’t do the research until I was already addicted and taking 180 pills a month for a year. Who knew? Lol

Who knew that the Percocet hits a brain receptor that is the only one that does not receive the calming relief of THC?

Or that the medicine itself mimics and causes pain so severe that you crawl back to it over and over.

Who knew it would be worse than any drug I experimented with or became addicted to and withdrew from. Worse than cocaine, methamphetamine, Vicodin, speed (we used to call them cross-tops), muscle relaxers or alcohol. So, it’s similar to heroin addiction – something I refused to try even in the midst of all of my experimentation. Who knew, right??

I hope to have the energy to write about the withdrawal I experience so someday it may give someone else encouragement to win the battle too. I know that I will either win or die.