By starting this blog, I have placed my spirit out there in the wide world to hopefully minister to other people as they struggle through this life.
I used to have visions of speaking in front of hundreds of people – which is laughable since I have terrible stage fright! I’ve known God existed since my earliest memories. I never had to accept Jesus into my heart, I was born knowing He was there. I’ve always known I will go to heaven.
It has been a source of argument with pastors and ministry workers that I claim to always have known Jesus. I always end their suspicions with the fact that I did re-affirm my relationship with Him when I was 12 years old and again at 30.
My mother has never doubted my relationship with Jesus. She claims to have always known I was supposed to be a minister. She tells stories of me flipping an empty box over on the floor, climbing up on top and loudly proclaiming to anyone listening that “I love you because Jesus loves you!”. It made my mom scared for my well-being so much that she took me out of Sunday School for fear that I would “become some zealot” – her words.
The stories just make me smile to my soul as I’ve always known that I have a special relationship with God and that it has been attacked, chipped away at, and tried to be completely removed from my spirit my whole life.
I’ve even walked away from God for over five years. My children would ask me to pray and out of my anger I would respond, “If you want to pray, pray yourself”. And God was still there, waiting patiently for me to return to Him. Which I did, but not easily. I returned kicking, clawing and crying the whole way. The preacher of the church we were attending for the first time (thanks to my husband BTW) was preaching on verse: Luke 22:32 (NIV) [Jesus speaking] But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.
It completely brought me to my knees that the Lord knew I was going to turn away and all He wanted when I got back was for me to strengthen my brothers (and sisters).
For people who have trouble understanding this grace, I’ve asked them as parents, if their children had run away from them and years later returned – would they not be happy their children returned? Would their children not fall under their parent’s grace and love? Would God love us less?
So here I am, having returned to God and under His grace, forgiven and loved.
I pray for a hedge of protection around every person I love Lord. I am being faithful to what You have told me to do, please protect my loved ones.