I want to take a minute to explain what my vision is for sickofsecrets.com. I started this blog/writing so that 1) I could record my eventful life and leave the information with my (now adult) children; 2) we will know that it is possible to be whole again; 3) we, as a community/as people, could begin to talk openly about things that effect our lives.
- My children have no idea about the experiences which I had that shaped who I am as a person or how those things influenced my parenting. This site, I hope, will record those memoirs and help them understand.
- In the process of sharing our stories, I hope we can empower others to realize there is a life after domestic violence, sexual assault, attempted suicide. We will become survivors and shed our “victim” status. No lies here about the fact it will forever change you – how exactly is completely up to you.
- I believe that one of the most important factors in not only reporting abuse but also preventing abuse is the ability to talk about what has happened during abuse. Many people do not want to talk about domestic violence and this leads to actually creating the environment for abuse – secrets.
My thought process on starting a dialogue:
If you are beat by your husband and have a black eye, chances are you will cover it with make-up, wear sunglasses, not go out in public. What if you could say to your local grocer “yep, my husband was an asshole last night.” After all, it’s not your character which causes embarrassment, it is his character. (Granted, you stay… but that’s a whole different discussion of how we blame ourselves.) Just ask yourself “what if?” What if I could actually talk to others about the abuse? What if I went to support groups or counseling about the abuse? What if I could actually create a dialogue and save another from what I have experienced? I know that this is not possible when you live in a dangerous situation – in fact, it would most likely increase the level of danger in this situation (as the perpetrator must keep up appearances, right?!) However, if you have left and survived the abuse, what if you could talk to others and help them?
Also, what if people were willing to realize that the unthinkable happens. Is it unthinkable that so-and-so raped his 12 year old daughter? YES, but that does not mean he did not do just that. It’s the unthinkable that leads to victim blaming – “well, you know, if she hadn’t been wearing those shorts, this probably would have never happened…” Really?!!!! “Let’s talk about that opinion dear…” Let’s also talk about lengthy sentences for sexual assault.
Secrets we keep prolong the agony of abuse and triumphing over that near impossible.
I’m talking about attempted suicide, bouts of depression, homosexuality, religion. Secrets because we cannot really say what we feel or have experienced because we are in a societal jailhouse. (That sounds kind of extremist – I’m simply using these as examples of all of us being unwilling to accept others for who they are and the decisions they make.)
So, that’s the crux of it… I would like to start a dialogue about those things which we hide that breeds abuse. And I’d like to share my story of victimization, survival, and triumph – and struggles that continue. Let’s talk…
P.S. If you would like to be a guest writer for sickofsecrets.com, please send me a quick message.
P.S.S. What’s up with the images? Read about that here –> What’s up with the pictures??